Feeling Stuck? Now What?
“I will never figure out what I want to do.”
“I don’t know how to tell my mom no and she is exhausting me.”
Being stuck is an emotional experience based on thoughts, beliefs, and/or feelings. It’s a sign that there is a disconnect between the life you have and the life you want. Clients often come to me because they are stuck for a variety of reasons: they are having difficulty leaving a toxic job, managing challenging relationships, dealing with the stress of disappointing others, believing in themselves, or finding the courage to live authentically. The feelings that come with not being able to address these issues can lead to a discomfort that can become debilitating. Ultimately, this can result in depression, anxiety, feelings of emptiness, and lack of hope.
Sometimes, even when you know exactly what you want to do, you can’t figure out how to achieve it. You may try numerous things but time passes and you still feel stuck. You may even stop trying or worst stop believing in yourself. At this point, when people try to be helpful and offer suggestions, you’ll likely have a problem for every solution. Even from this space, you can get unstuck and move toward living your best life.
Sometimes you need a kickstart - someone to help you figure it out. Science once told us that people don’t fundamentally change their personalities. However, more recent data proves otherwise. “People's personalities can and do change based on circumstances and passion. Civil rights leader John. Lewis may not have planned for national leadership. He may not have been prepared for the brutality that he faced on his journey, but he was driven to exceptional mental toughness by his passion for justice.” You can become courageous even if you have not been in the past. You can navigate relationships even if you consider yourself socially awkward. You can set boundaries that you have never been able to set before. So where do you start?
Here are a few questions for you to answer that can move you in the direction of getting unstuck:
1. How are you feeling? Pay close attention. Be curious.
2. What are you telling yourself? What stories keep playing over and over in your head?
3. What is the fear, concern, question, emotion that is making it hard to make your next move?
4. What are you resisting? Why?
5. Is this connected to a past trauma? If so, do you need help working through that trauma?
6. What do you want for your life?
7. What needs to happen within you for change to occur?
8. What resources do you have to get started?
It is easy to stop believing in yourself. But today is not yesterday. Your abilities, possibilities, and opportunities can shift. In fact, they do. Start by asking yourself the questions and then getting the support you need. It is time to thrive.